Write In American English

Trolling the online postings for writing jobs I’ve noticed quite a few ads now contain wording that requests, in effect, the candidate be able to “…write in American English.” I believe this is generally for two reasons; even though the entity may be located in lower Slobovia, they want it to appear that they are actually in the good ol’ US of A OR the entity wants to be sure that no matter where YOU may be located in the world, you have the ability to write as if you’re a red-blooded American. It’s all about marketing, presentation and packaging.

That might be an area that e-mail spammers and scammers should consider giving a little extra attention to in order to be more successful in passing off their crap as the real deal. We’ve all received those “official” e-mail notices which purport to be from some government agency or private business (such as a bank) that contain such mangled “English” wording, goofy grammatical errors and strange syntax as to be immediately identified as fraudulent.

Here’s an amusing example of an “official” e-mail supposedly from the FBI that is chock full of misspelled and misused words, twisted phrases, mangled verb tenses and just plain weird ideas about how America’s top law enforcement agency (“a biggest security company here in Washington D.C”) actually works. That doesn’t even count the strange date format that makes it appear this missive has traveled from the future (either September 12, 2009 or December 9, 2009) and the fact that it originated from and refers the reader to a Gmail address.

[Washington Field Office Banner with FBI Seal linking to FBI Home]
Anti-Terrorist and Monitary Crimes Division.

ATTENTION: beneficiaries,

We received an email, Just to let you know that the said fund has been confirmed in your name, the funds are right now in our custody in your name waiting to be release to you, we have verified and investigated that you are the right beneficiary to claim the funds, all we need from you is verification and proof due to the amount involved.

As a biggest security company here in Washington D.C we are to serve and to protect our citizen. The only advice we can give to you as at this time is to try your best to comply with the required document so that your funds will be release to you in your favor, this funds are rightfully yours. You can obtain the document from our branch Office in New Jersey.

We have done our verification on your FBI Identification Record with our Social Security Number, the only document remaining now is the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) Which should be issued to you from our branch Office in New Jersey, you are to contact the Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) New Jersey to obtain the above required document, find bellow their contact email address: ( fbi.vision2020@gmail.com) Contact this people immediately to obtain the document.
Furthermore, be advice that according to the United State Law and also the FBI rules and regulations, you are to obtain the document from the FBI in New Jersey where the fund was transferred to. Also Note that you are to take care of the Document to be issued to you right away, because due to how important and secured the document is, it is not issued just like that. You are to take care of the document by sending to the FBI New Jersey right away,That is the only way the FBI New Jersey will issue you the document, because they are going to issue you the Authentic/Original copy of the document.

You are here by advice to Contact them through the email address above to acquire from them on how you are going to send the fee to them. Note that you are to do this immediately if you really want your fund to be credited to your account and also if you don’t want any action to be before you. We have already informed the New Jersey FBI about the present situation, so go ahead and contact them immediately. Your fund is now on our custody and will only be release to you with the confirmation of the required document. After that the fund will be release to you immediately without any delay.

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for no criminal justice purposes.

WARNING: Do not fail to produce the above requirement in the next 72 hours, legal action will be taken immediately by arresting and detaining you, justificated and if found guilty, you will be jailed. As terrorism, drug trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracking down and persecuting any criminal who indulge in this criminal act.

Faithfully Yours,
FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller, III

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