Greeting Cards

You know how, when you need to get a birthday, anniversary, graduation or holiday card for someone, and you go to the Hallmark store, or the greeting card section of a Walgreen’s or Publix? Sometimes you’re lucky and you find that special card that says exactly how you feel on the first or second card, but sometimes you feel like you have looked at every friggin’ card on the shelves and still can’t find the one that seems appropriate.

I can’t remember where I got this, but I found it in one of my files today and thought it might be humorous to some. So, for your laughter’s sake, I present the greeting cards that say what you’re really feeling.

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you’ve come into my life…(Inside card) – I’ve changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life…(Inside card) – I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am…(Inside card) – That
you’re not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….(Inside card) – Will you take the knife from my back? You’ll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry…(Inside card) – Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….(Inside card) – Almost life-like!

7. When we were together, you said you’d die for me…(Inside card) – Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time to keep your promise.

8. We’ve been friends for a very long time…(Inside card) – What do you say we stop?

9. I’m so miserable without you…(Inside card) – It’s almost like you’re still here

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….(Inside card) – Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket…(Inside card) – I’d miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday…(Inside card) – So we’re having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia, Alabama, and Arkansas)

14. Looking back over the years we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder…(Inside card) – What was I thinking?

Congratulations on your wedding day!…(Inside card) – Too bad no one likes your husband.

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About The Word Of Jeff

I'm a freelance writer and blogger who has written for, among others, Tribune Media Services, Suite101 and Athena Guides. As an intrepid traveler I have chronicled some of my travels at The Verbal Vagabond, my travel blog. And, being an avid amateur photographer, I also have a photography blog spotlighting photos I have taken of areas around my hometown at Postcards From Maggie Valley. Speaking of Maggie Valley, that is where my wife, our Golden Retriever/Border Collie mix, Bella, our Orange Tabby, Tigger and I live in a log cabin on a mountain in Western North Carolina, just at the edge of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I enjoy hiking, camping, art, travel, photography (as mentioned above), and an occasional glass of good wine while reading or writing in front of the fireplace.
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