Greeting Cards

You know how, when you need to get a birthday, anniversary, graduation or holiday card for someone, and you go to the Hallmark store, or the greeting card section of a Walgreen’s or Publix? Sometimes you’re lucky and you find that special card that says exactly how you feel on the first or second card, but sometimes you feel like you have looked at every friggin’ card on the shelves and still can’t find the one that seems appropriate.

I can’t remember where I got this, but I found it in one of my files today and thought it might be humorous to some. So, for your laughter’s sake, I present the greeting cards that say what you’re really feeling.

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you’ve come into my life…(Inside card) – I’ve changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life…(Inside card) – I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am…(Inside card) – That
you’re not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….(Inside card) – Will you take the knife from my back? You’ll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry…(Inside card) – Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….(Inside card) – Almost life-like!

7. When we were together, you said you’d die for me…(Inside card) – Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time to keep your promise.

8. We’ve been friends for a very long time…(Inside card) – What do you say we stop?

9. I’m so miserable without you…(Inside card) – It’s almost like you’re still here

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….(Inside card) – Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket…(Inside card) – I’d miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday…(Inside card) – So we’re having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Kentucky, Tennessee, West Virginia, Alabama, and Arkansas)

14. Looking back over the years we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder…(Inside card) – What was I thinking?

Congratulations on your wedding day!…(Inside card) – Too bad no one likes your husband.

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